Tejaswee Rao died some days ago. She is the daughter of the woman known to some of us as the Indian Homemaker after fighting the painful dengue for quite some days. A bright soul, one of her last blog posts was a letter to her future daughter. It did make me think that yes, life is quite unpredictable. We never know that I like anyone else might one fine day just cease to be, whether it may be after a lengthy battle with an affliction, a swift death in some accident or just sleep never wake up in this world again. So like her, I write this letter to you my future love, knowing that maybe you’re somewhere out there reading this. We may not know each other now or maybe are acquaintances ready to get reacquainted as more significantly. Maybe we’re already in love and this is something that I think that you must read because I wrote it for you. This is a dream I had of you one night. I can still remember details of it vividly, except your face. Try as much I may, I still cannot recall how or who you liked like.
I can see a meadow materialize in front of me. There’s a mixture of fresh green and drying yellow grass around. You sit rested along the trunk of a tree with a wide canopy which stands near the centre of the meadow. As you sit in the shade of the tree, pillars of light cut through the leaves and graze the grass around, creating an aura of illustration. Your long hair dances with the currents of the gentle breeze quite like the blades of the grass around you. You’re lost from the world in the book that you’re reading barely noticing that I am walking towards you. You look hauntingly beautiful, drowned in your care free innocence while you’re smiling at something which you’ve read in the book. It’s a weird smile as if something has dawned upon you, making you realize something simple. It’s fitting though, maybe sometimes we’re meant to realize things and not know them. You put the book down momentarily and reach for a cigarette from your pocket. You light it up and let the first puff out quite like the long breaths you let out after inhaling the smells of the fresh flowers. I pause in my approach to just stand there and let the sight consume me when our eyes meet after you turn around to see me standing there. You lips spread in to a smile and you beckon me nodding gesture as I walk briskly and come sit next to you. You keep the book aside and stretch your legs in front of you. I just sit there and gaze in to your eyes for some time when you blow a long puff of smoke in my face. You can’t help but in to a spell of chirpy laughter as I lay down on the grass with my head on your thighs. It’s by default that I stretch out my hand to caress your naked legs while you ruffle my hair with one hand while continuing to smoke with the other. I observe the patterns your lips make as you remove the cigarette to blow some smoke away. “I can’t understand about the poison symbol, smoking doesn’t kill you but it sure does screw you up and increase the probability of death by a hundred folds. Yet people go on to leave the full stretch of their lives while some fight a lost battle with their cancer stricken half dead bodies” is what I speak as continue to gaze at your lips. You stop playing with my hair while I still continue caressing your legs, I observe that your bite your lower lip for some time and while you release that red lip from the between your teeth you smack me affectionately on the head and say “Idiot!”
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Generation Gap
Nineteen years old today are different from nineteen years old twenty years ago. Twenty years is a long time, but things changed in many ways that people didn’t foresee or imagine to. The sudden advance of technology and globalization brought many changes to the industry but also closer to home. So contacting someone close doesn’t require one to wait in queue for half an hour and send one line messages, one simply has to flip out a tiny piece of plastic and circuits and chat their way to their heart’s content. While at the same time children find more time to spend with their mobiles and iPods than they want to spend with their close ones. Women took great time and effort in cooking food for the family, and now we see people just open cans, pour the contents in an oven and five minutes later you’ve got a meal for four. The increase in the availability of such items of reduced requisite labor was however brought so soon, that the coming generation was adopted to it, while the original generation couldn’t catch up to it, which leads to different foundations of personalities for them
The interesting thing which is beginning to appear here is the change of dynamics in relationships. People born and brought up twenty years ago associated with people. Their priority was how their relationships were defined with people, which is the reason why they were more docile and submissive towards their parents, and teachers. It’s not that people don’t respect their elders in the times of today; it’s just that they’ve grown more vocal and wish to have their opinions heard so that they can be treated as equals. However the other generation grew up conditioned as the “people” types wherein they followed the defined boundaries between generations which were never meant to be crossed.
On the other hand the current generation has grown associating with objects. It’s always been the things that they must have; goals that they must accomplish, putting their wants and needs ahead of the people around them. The said needs need not be physical or material such as the wants and carving for objects, but also transcend to being talked to as an individual, to be heard, to be followed. This is the reason why they cross the generation barrier and talk affront to the teachers and parents to get this done. Due to this difference of foundations there tends to be a feeling of disrespect from both sides at times. One believes that the new generation doesn’t trust their experience and respect and that they’ve strayed away by associating with said objects, while the other feels left out and disgruntled.
Hence to accomplish these wants they turn to people who will be able to provide for them: people of their own age. This is also the reason that it can be seen people tend to ‘hang out’ more with their own age groups than the time they spend with family. It’s more about going out with friends, taking a trip on the weekend and spending vacations goofing around each others’ house than may be take the traditional trip to their ancestral home. It’s more about how ‘cool and awesome’ their friends are, how much they want to be and how their parents and teachers are ‘not getting’ them.
First there’s the rule, then there’s the exception to the rule, which is why it feels nice to observe exceptions to these relationships as well. Quite a few parents and teachers have started to understand this aspect of their children’s lives, and they choose not to drastically change them but to accept them for who they are and try to make some good out of it. Part of this understanding leads them to talk openly about issues, like the troubles they’re facing, their take on certain things. There are times when they are the best friends, having fun when nothing is there to do, a beacon of hope of in the vast sea of life, and a guiding moral compass should their own ever falter. At the same time there’s a change coming in the new generation as dwell. Not only have they become more respectful of the experience and views of the older generations, they at time actively seek it for guidance. A sense of mutual respect and appeal is seen in many ways where the parents seek the advice of children when it comes to the choice of items like electronics, or maybe even the color of the walls.
So what we see here is a mutually symbiotic relationship, where in the generation which has people as the foundation of their core values now receives respect, and the generation which has objects as their core receives not just material objects but also psychological ones which doesn’t make them feel left out. Yes things are not as picture perfect as the way we see in tele vision series like The Brady Bunch, or may be as grand as the Sooraj Barjatia movies, where big families often come together come across vast differences in to one single unit. No, those are movies and series, and you get paid to act and say things in them. Real life has different issues, different stories, different scales of how this goes and how all the little things which we overcome to bring two generations together. How we appreciate that it’s not just camera cell phones, and laptops that matter but also the people who guide us in our lives and listen to us and when we need them the most. That it’s about building bridges and reaching out to people with different set of minds.
The interesting thing which is beginning to appear here is the change of dynamics in relationships. People born and brought up twenty years ago associated with people. Their priority was how their relationships were defined with people, which is the reason why they were more docile and submissive towards their parents, and teachers. It’s not that people don’t respect their elders in the times of today; it’s just that they’ve grown more vocal and wish to have their opinions heard so that they can be treated as equals. However the other generation grew up conditioned as the “people” types wherein they followed the defined boundaries between generations which were never meant to be crossed.
On the other hand the current generation has grown associating with objects. It’s always been the things that they must have; goals that they must accomplish, putting their wants and needs ahead of the people around them. The said needs need not be physical or material such as the wants and carving for objects, but also transcend to being talked to as an individual, to be heard, to be followed. This is the reason why they cross the generation barrier and talk affront to the teachers and parents to get this done. Due to this difference of foundations there tends to be a feeling of disrespect from both sides at times. One believes that the new generation doesn’t trust their experience and respect and that they’ve strayed away by associating with said objects, while the other feels left out and disgruntled.
Hence to accomplish these wants they turn to people who will be able to provide for them: people of their own age. This is also the reason that it can be seen people tend to ‘hang out’ more with their own age groups than the time they spend with family. It’s more about going out with friends, taking a trip on the weekend and spending vacations goofing around each others’ house than may be take the traditional trip to their ancestral home. It’s more about how ‘cool and awesome’ their friends are, how much they want to be and how their parents and teachers are ‘not getting’ them.
First there’s the rule, then there’s the exception to the rule, which is why it feels nice to observe exceptions to these relationships as well. Quite a few parents and teachers have started to understand this aspect of their children’s lives, and they choose not to drastically change them but to accept them for who they are and try to make some good out of it. Part of this understanding leads them to talk openly about issues, like the troubles they’re facing, their take on certain things. There are times when they are the best friends, having fun when nothing is there to do, a beacon of hope of in the vast sea of life, and a guiding moral compass should their own ever falter. At the same time there’s a change coming in the new generation as dwell. Not only have they become more respectful of the experience and views of the older generations, they at time actively seek it for guidance. A sense of mutual respect and appeal is seen in many ways where the parents seek the advice of children when it comes to the choice of items like electronics, or maybe even the color of the walls.
So what we see here is a mutually symbiotic relationship, where in the generation which has people as the foundation of their core values now receives respect, and the generation which has objects as their core receives not just material objects but also psychological ones which doesn’t make them feel left out. Yes things are not as picture perfect as the way we see in tele vision series like The Brady Bunch, or may be as grand as the Sooraj Barjatia movies, where big families often come together come across vast differences in to one single unit. No, those are movies and series, and you get paid to act and say things in them. Real life has different issues, different stories, different scales of how this goes and how all the little things which we overcome to bring two generations together. How we appreciate that it’s not just camera cell phones, and laptops that matter but also the people who guide us in our lives and listen to us and when we need them the most. That it’s about building bridges and reaching out to people with different set of minds.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Guilt
There are many emotions and feelings that drive us human beings. Some for the better, some for the worse. Amongst them is guilt. This is the feeling you get when you feel yourself responsible or are made to feel responsible for unfortunate turn of events. There may be many reasons for one to feel this. May be someone failed to achieve a personal goal, may be they didn’t get good grades, may be they let someone down. The causes and effects of guilt can be many. I’ll tell you about mine. Or at least try to.
Or another thing happens with the times I talk with some of the ‘elder’ people, be it in our outside of my family relations. Some people don’t like how forthcoming I can get at times. I have told teachers to their face when I believe that they’re wrong. When discussions get interesting and I get to say my say, I am told that I should treat them with respect and should feel guilty for my words. I cannot get how the only criteria for respect should be age. And why should I feel guilty about not following it. Their standards not mine.
Many times shame and guilt are along the same lines. When I was young, innocent and gullible and teachers used to ask me don’t you have any shame, I was in a dilemma. You see I didn’t know the meaning of the word shame. So when I said yes, they tried to invoke the feeling of shame and guilt in me which I couldn’t feel as much as I tried. So in turn when I said no, oh there was a whole lot of trouble. Somehow that feeling has remained stuck to me ever since.
When it comes to work it’s a different thing. Some time ago we had an internal calibration and preparation audit for an audit that was supposed to take place sometime around late December. So when our auditors came for it and we went to different workstations to get audited, some results and observations showed lack of preparedness. I was directly responsible for some. I had multiple things to get done and prioritized accordingly. Sure it turned out to be wrong, and that I had to hear something for it, I am not against that. I had to make some choices, I made the wrong ones. I can live with that. My immediate boss was also along with me as an auditee that time. SO the auditors then said that it was understandable that there was lack of preparedness as I am new and would have issues managing the shift operations and the preparedness and they slowly turned some things on him. That really got to me. That’s where the guilt began creeping in. I mean I screwed up, so why should I be excused for the reason that I am new. I am new so what, that does not make me any less accountable for my work. And then that some things ended up on my boss. Why should others be blamed or held for my work? If my work is to be reflected on, then it should be me. My boss has shown great trust in me by taking forward steps in guiding me to the ways of the work and lets me take responsibilities head on when I want to. And after all that if my lack of work should somehow make him to look bad, then I feel guilty.
My work should be a reflection of me. My bads should not necessarily reflect on my boss. Saying that would reduce my own accountability. I may be new at work but that does not excuse me for not getting work done on time. I may give my best at times but if it doesn’t get the work done, that I have not given enough. And if I have not given enough I have not succeeded. And should the shadow of my failure be cast upon someone else, I’ll feel guilty.
The beautiful thing about guilt is that try as much as you may as long as the said person doesn’t feel a gut wrenching remorse about his or her inadequacies from the inside you cannot make them feel guilty. There’s whole big factor of the said person’s own standards.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Money
They say that money can help you buy books but not knowledge.
They say that money can help you buy gifts but not love.
They say that money can help you buy a house but not build a home.
They sat that money can help you buy a bed but not a content sleep.
They think that what they say is true, what they don’t realize is that they don’t know how true they are.
It’s is true that money can get me books but will not buy me knowledge. But then how would I manage to learn all that I have learnt till now without the books that I have read so far. I couldn’t imagine to have as much knowledge that I have today whether it be in depth or width to have been there had I had to discover and invent myself. It would not have been possible without the books that I bought with money.
It is true that money can get me gifts but not love. Money lets me get gifts to express my love and care. I know that gifts and money are not the only way one can express love. Love is also about appreciating someone and being there for some one. Money provides me with leverage in this matter. I can buy flowers for my loved one, travel across cities to be with her using the tickets I buy with money. (And for the record I am single, and for now there is no such person in my life, but if there were then the above would hold true for me as it holds true for many others.)
It is true that money can help me build a house but not home. Money can let me buy all the things I need to ensure that my loved ones feel safe, protected and comforted in the house so that I can finally call it home. It is only with money that money that I can buy items to cater their needs and wants.
It is true that money can buy me a bed but not a sleep of content. To sleep and then wake up with a feeling of rejuvenation and content, one needs to sleep over a clear mind, should have worked hard to realize the feeling of relaxing after that. Money can get me more comfortable bed, softer pillows, cozier blankets so that can enjoy the hard work I did even more.
Money is a tool of exchange between people so that they can have what they couldn’t have had otherwise. It is highly improbable to imagine us now as self sufficient. The clothes that we are wearing right now, the food that we ate today, the computers on which we are reading this, the internet which we used to access it, the chairs or beds on which we are sitting right now, would not have been possible if each of us had to do it all by ourselves. It was all possible through an exchange of goods and services, thoughts and ideas, all through the exchange of money. Think of it, can you harvest your own food, sew your own clothes, design and fabricate complex computer hardware, code the required software, use the force of your hands to change the shapes of logs in to chairs, raise buildings to sit in, all by yourself?
There are many people who believe in the so called saying that money is the root of all evil. What they don’t realize is that like all means of exchange it can be used to make unfair exchanges as well. It’s not the code of exchange but actually those who choose to deal with it unfairly that should be accounted for. Money is proof is that there is someone producing something somewhere, Money is the appreciation you show when you wish to take that thing which you else wise would not have been able to. Money is appreciation of that person’s talent and hard work that went in to making that thing or providing that service which you needed. Money is what has brought as this ahead in world today, and yet there are people who say that money is the root of evil. They need a reality check.
There are times when we associate certain things and emotions of value with money. Yes money can help you attain that but money cannot account for improper evaluations. People think that if they earn enough money, and build a big enough house, put in a separate room for everyone, put all sorts of things in it like TV, refrigerator, computer and furniture and have it painted nicely it will become a home. Money can help you get that, but then again it is you who has to bring the home feeling in it. Work for it. Money can buy me stacks of books, and computers and internet but I have to sit down and study to gain that knowledge, I need to grasp it and understand it. Money will let me buy chocolates and flowers, let me take my lady love out for movies, or picnics and where not but then what matters is that I be there for her when she needs me and I appreciate her what she is.
You see it all boils down to the core value that money can help you get opportunities, how and when you grasp it and what you make of it depends on you.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Love, hate and love-hate
Love, hate and love-hate can be the oddest or the simplest feelings one can have. Here are some of things for which I feel them:
Love:
• I love my work, and more so when I complete the work. The tougher the better. Sure sometimes when I get tough things to do it can get taxing and burdening but then when I can get it done with it feels even more invigorating.
• Cats. Cats live the way they want. They’ll play along with you as long as you can amuse them. It is believed that you cannot have a cat; the cat just hangs around as long as it feels so.
• The color blue. Blue is the color of a flame at its highest efficiency. That is why.
• The Statue of liberty. That is one marvelous piece, and is screaming and beaming its meaning and significance out. The lady is carrying a light in one hand and books in another. It is knowledge and reason that you light your way with when you’re lost in the darkness of turmoil.
Hate:
• Incompetence. I hate the point that people can be incompetent at their work and not do anything about it. SO one may not his or her work but that does not stop them from learning what is needed to do it right. The competent and strong should never have to suffer for the incompetent and weak. That I can at times indulge in it makes me hate it even more.
• Unreasonable people. The thing about unreasonable people is that you cannot reason with them. No matter how much you try, show them the facts and reason but they’ll just refuse to accept things the way they are. Like someone once said, “Never argue with a fool, it becomes difficult to tell who the bigger one is.”
• Leeches/Leechers: People who think that they can leech off people, who produce, create and develop. Life is not about what you want and need but what you deserve. If you cannot earn it then you do not deserve it.
• Respect-standards thing: We’ve been brought up in this section of the world to respect those elder to us. I asked why? Why must my standard of respect be that of age? Just because someone may be older to me does not mean that they will get my respect de facto. Be it relatives, siblings, teachers etc. I mean there are many teachers who I respect solely for the sake of the position they hold by means of being cordial with them but few teachers are there who have my genuine respect for the people they are.
Love-Hate:
• The thing with mom. I started as a docile and ideal child. Always listening to my elders, well behaved and respectful of others. Then as and when I grew up and started understanding things I started questioning, doubting, and thinking and acting of my own. My mom and I have been brought up differently (and in different environments). Our perception of things and events is different. We are from different schools of thoughts. My mom has mostly a traditional and slightly conservative set of mind. I make my own opinions and decisions. My mom has been through tough times to raise me up (with my dad having died when I was 6 and her in laws being their unscrupulous best). I respect that and adore her for that. But that does not mean I have to agree with her on things, and share her way of thinking. I like my independent way of thinking and working that is based on m perceptions and not on that of others. We get in to heated discussions at times that do not end on an amiable note many times. We’ve found getting along with each other difficult at times.
It's been a long time since I posted my last blog, but you all can thank her for this one.
Love:
• I love my work, and more so when I complete the work. The tougher the better. Sure sometimes when I get tough things to do it can get taxing and burdening but then when I can get it done with it feels even more invigorating.
• Cats. Cats live the way they want. They’ll play along with you as long as you can amuse them. It is believed that you cannot have a cat; the cat just hangs around as long as it feels so.
• The color blue. Blue is the color of a flame at its highest efficiency. That is why.
• The Statue of liberty. That is one marvelous piece, and is screaming and beaming its meaning and significance out. The lady is carrying a light in one hand and books in another. It is knowledge and reason that you light your way with when you’re lost in the darkness of turmoil.
Hate:
• Incompetence. I hate the point that people can be incompetent at their work and not do anything about it. SO one may not his or her work but that does not stop them from learning what is needed to do it right. The competent and strong should never have to suffer for the incompetent and weak. That I can at times indulge in it makes me hate it even more.
• Unreasonable people. The thing about unreasonable people is that you cannot reason with them. No matter how much you try, show them the facts and reason but they’ll just refuse to accept things the way they are. Like someone once said, “Never argue with a fool, it becomes difficult to tell who the bigger one is.”
• Leeches/Leechers: People who think that they can leech off people, who produce, create and develop. Life is not about what you want and need but what you deserve. If you cannot earn it then you do not deserve it.
• Respect-standards thing: We’ve been brought up in this section of the world to respect those elder to us. I asked why? Why must my standard of respect be that of age? Just because someone may be older to me does not mean that they will get my respect de facto. Be it relatives, siblings, teachers etc. I mean there are many teachers who I respect solely for the sake of the position they hold by means of being cordial with them but few teachers are there who have my genuine respect for the people they are.
Love-Hate:
• The thing with mom. I started as a docile and ideal child. Always listening to my elders, well behaved and respectful of others. Then as and when I grew up and started understanding things I started questioning, doubting, and thinking and acting of my own. My mom and I have been brought up differently (and in different environments). Our perception of things and events is different. We are from different schools of thoughts. My mom has mostly a traditional and slightly conservative set of mind. I make my own opinions and decisions. My mom has been through tough times to raise me up (with my dad having died when I was 6 and her in laws being their unscrupulous best). I respect that and adore her for that. But that does not mean I have to agree with her on things, and share her way of thinking. I like my independent way of thinking and working that is based on m perceptions and not on that of others. We get in to heated discussions at times that do not end on an amiable note many times. We’ve found getting along with each other difficult at times.
It's been a long time since I posted my last blog, but you all can thank her for this one.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
The last 12 hours
When you’re in love you want to spend all your possible time with that someone special. You want to wake up the first thing in the morning to the wonderful sight of that person close to you. It was the same with him, except that now he was regretting the fact that he would have to wake up. How he wished that this sleep would last forever and the morning wouldn’t follow. They were deeply in love with each other and yet today she was leaving. It was hard on both of them and both of them were dealing with it differently, both of them had different and yet same thoughts to deal with. They had slept together for the last time, simply cherishing each other’s comforting presence. He wanted to stay with her the entire day but the office required him for an important meeting for a new project.
As always she was the one to get up first and by the time he woke up and got ready she had breakfast ready. They had had a long discussion on to how they would stay in touch with each other once today found an end.
“I want to you to at least send me two mails per week, nothing much. You surely can do that.”
She didn’t say anything. She never did speak when she knew he would know the answer.
“I am serious. If you don’t I’ll come over and kill you. I mean it.”
Who was he kidding; he couldn’t lay a finger on her if his life depended on it. He did need to impress his need to stay in touch with her. Why did she have to leave in the first place?
“Don’t worry I’ll send you your two mails. We’ll try and stay in touch.”
Here he was uttering non sense and yet she understood how much he loved her, how desperate he was to have her
“Well get up now, you have to be in time for your meeting. Don’t worry I’ll be here when you come back”
He hoped she would, God only knew what’d happen to him if he came home and found it empty. They got up and she walked him to his car. She gave him a good luck kiss and some how it felt like a good bye kiss already. He started his car and his eyes on the rear view mirror and watched her till he had to take the turn that soon came. He had almost an entire day to go through. The meeting went fine; he got promoted to the head of the new project. Slowly but surely it was evening and he left his office. Half way through he pulled his car over and called her.
“Are you there at home?” She could be unpredictable and he couldn’t take not seeing her for the last time.
“Yes”
“Give me ten minutes; I am half way over already.”
She greeted him with a tight hug when he entered.
“How are you doing?” He asked her once she let go of him. She never said things for the sake of it.
She had made his favorite Rajma Chawal as he had thought.
“How was your day today? Would you like to take a bath first?” She then proceeded to the dining table. She knew his answer already. They sat down to eat.
“Went nice, Got promoted to the head of the new project.”
She looked away. Maybe it was the tears in her eyes that could come out any time, maybe it was the pain in his. Maybe it was both. He looked at the neat pile of his clothes she had done for him. Doing his clothes was like therapy for her. He woke a night before at two to find her arranging his clothes in the cupboard. She always said that she liked his smell. Who would do it for him now? Who would she do it for now? Who would she cook their favorite dishes now?
“Let’s leave. It’s raining and getting late. Please there is no need to come along.” However he insisted on coming along. They got in to her car and she began to soon maneuver her car through the almost blinding rain. Luckily her place was a few hours away. He sat there stiff like a child with a puffed face, and was careful not touch her. She noticed that and took his hand and smelled it before gently kissing it like she always did. They had reached the bus stop and it was time for him to get off and let her go.
“You promised that you’d write to me at least two times a week.” She nodded.
“Give me this bit of solace I need to live.”It was getting late and he would have to leave now.
“Remember to take care of yourself and don’t smoke again.”
“I will if you keep reminding me. If you ever need me, shout and I’ll be there.” He hadn’t smoked since she was with him and he wasn’t going to now that she was almost away. It would remind him of her not being there. Everything else would too. He got out of the car. They saw each other for some time before she nodded and began to leave. He had begun to cry, his tears masked by the rain. He had held it back ever since he had got in to the car. He couldn’t let her see him cry. May be she knew that too and couldn’t see him. That’s why he saw a drop of tear roll down her cheek too before she drove off.
He began his walk back instead of taking the bus, hoping that someone may hit him on the way home. He didn’t know if he could live without her.
As always she was the one to get up first and by the time he woke up and got ready she had breakfast ready. They had had a long discussion on to how they would stay in touch with each other once today found an end.
“I want to you to at least send me two mails per week, nothing much. You surely can do that.”
She didn’t say anything. She never did speak when she knew he would know the answer.
“I am serious. If you don’t I’ll come over and kill you. I mean it.”
Who was he kidding; he couldn’t lay a finger on her if his life depended on it. He did need to impress his need to stay in touch with her. Why did she have to leave in the first place?
“Don’t worry I’ll send you your two mails. We’ll try and stay in touch.”
Here he was uttering non sense and yet she understood how much he loved her, how desperate he was to have her
“Well get up now, you have to be in time for your meeting. Don’t worry I’ll be here when you come back”
He hoped she would, God only knew what’d happen to him if he came home and found it empty. They got up and she walked him to his car. She gave him a good luck kiss and some how it felt like a good bye kiss already. He started his car and his eyes on the rear view mirror and watched her till he had to take the turn that soon came. He had almost an entire day to go through. The meeting went fine; he got promoted to the head of the new project. Slowly but surely it was evening and he left his office. Half way through he pulled his car over and called her.
“Are you there at home?” She could be unpredictable and he couldn’t take not seeing her for the last time.
“Yes”
“Give me ten minutes; I am half way over already.”
She greeted him with a tight hug when he entered.
“How are you doing?” He asked her once she let go of him. She never said things for the sake of it.
She had made his favorite Rajma Chawal as he had thought.
“How was your day today? Would you like to take a bath first?” She then proceeded to the dining table. She knew his answer already. They sat down to eat.
“Went nice, Got promoted to the head of the new project.”
She looked away. Maybe it was the tears in her eyes that could come out any time, maybe it was the pain in his. Maybe it was both. He looked at the neat pile of his clothes she had done for him. Doing his clothes was like therapy for her. He woke a night before at two to find her arranging his clothes in the cupboard. She always said that she liked his smell. Who would do it for him now? Who would she do it for now? Who would she cook their favorite dishes now?
“Let’s leave. It’s raining and getting late. Please there is no need to come along.” However he insisted on coming along. They got in to her car and she began to soon maneuver her car through the almost blinding rain. Luckily her place was a few hours away. He sat there stiff like a child with a puffed face, and was careful not touch her. She noticed that and took his hand and smelled it before gently kissing it like she always did. They had reached the bus stop and it was time for him to get off and let her go.
“You promised that you’d write to me at least two times a week.” She nodded.
“Give me this bit of solace I need to live.”It was getting late and he would have to leave now.
“Remember to take care of yourself and don’t smoke again.”
“I will if you keep reminding me. If you ever need me, shout and I’ll be there.” He hadn’t smoked since she was with him and he wasn’t going to now that she was almost away. It would remind him of her not being there. Everything else would too. He got out of the car. They saw each other for some time before she nodded and began to leave. He had begun to cry, his tears masked by the rain. He had held it back ever since he had got in to the car. He couldn’t let her see him cry. May be she knew that too and couldn’t see him. That’s why he saw a drop of tear roll down her cheek too before she drove off.
He began his walk back instead of taking the bus, hoping that someone may hit him on the way home. He didn’t know if he could live without her.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Story : THe Coffee is getting cold
The coffee is getting cold
'Jingle bells, jingle bells jingle all the way' her phone rang. She smiled and saw that it was Ariel who was calling her. Ariel and Rina were friends for some time now. Although they were introduced to each other just more than two years ago by some common friends, their friendship had steadily grown ever since and not only were they fond of each other's company but also trusted each other immensely.
"Hello there, long time no see. When did you come back from your trip, and did you bring anything for me?"
"What is it with girls and gifts? I got back last night only. Can you make it for some coffee?"
"Sure, I still haven't had my morning cuppa yet, why don't you come over to my place now? I'll have some hot coffee ready by the time you come"
"Excellent idea, be over there in fifteen minutes." He disconnected the phone. He better have brought me a gift she thought.
After more than fifteen minutes later the door bell rang. Obviously it would have to be Ariel.
"You're late mister" she said as she opened the door.
"Will I be able to bribe thee with some chocolates and a wonderful new bottle opener?"
"The chocolates will make me fatter you know"
"I guess that means I am forgiven for being late" and he stepped in to the wonderful smell of freshly brewed coffee. Apart from their taste in wine, and food they shared a common love for coffee.
"Ah, that smells wonderful, freshly brewed and with hazel nuts too."
"You're welcome. Sit; tell me about your trip"
"Switzerland was amazing, although the client was less amazing. He nagged about a whole lot of things until he realized that the delivery was what his team had wanted and not what he had thought which cost him a bunch of euros more."
"So all in all a profitable trip for you then"
"Yes you can say that. Listening to an old man hag is hardly a price one has to pay for a good profit."
They sipped their coffee for quite some time. Rina took time to look at the bottle opener she had just received.
"You're taking an awful long time to examine it you know"
"Speak for your self; you are taking an awfully long time to finish your coffee."
"I've been thinking some thing for some time now"
"What?"
"Since when do you think we've been having coffee?"
"What? What have you been drinking?"
"The coffee you made, seriously tell me how long do you think we've been having coffee together?"
"For over a year I guess"
"And how many times more are we going to have it?"
"Seriously, what have you been drinking?"
"I'll come to the point then, I find it hard to be just a friend with you R. I know this may seem out of the blue to you but like I said I’ve been thinking about it for some time now. Every time you're around you make me feel special. I've never felt like this so long for any one you know. I am asking you out. I love you Rina"
This did come out of the blue for Rina. She did consider Ariel as a very close friend but nothing more. So obviously she was taken aback by this. She found it hard to think in any different way about him. Sure he was there for her all the time but it some how didn't feel like love. His company was more than enjoyable but she never felt that spark she thought she'd feel for some one she thought she'd be in love with. She remained quiet for some time.
"You know my coffee is getting cold waiting for your reply."
"You've already finished your coffee. Honestly speaking I’ve never thought like this about you A, I always thought of you like a good friend. In fact I don't even fit your so called profile of your ideal match. You for one wanted some one who is older than you, some one with spectacles."
"Life isn't always about what we want. So what if you don't have spectacles or that we're of the same age. I love you."
Some more silence followed.
"Has this got some thing to do with my smoking? I know you don't like my smoking, but you know I don't smoke that often anyways. It's only when I am stressed out flat."
"Whom are you favoring Ariel? I didn't even think about this. But you make a good point you know."
"I am favoring us Rina. Think over it"
"Smoking and come of your other quirks apart I just don't feel like love with you. You're about the closest a friend one can have but..."
"Like you said your self Rina, you don't fit the profile of some one I thought I’d fall for. Perceptions change” He cut in.
"Give me some time; I need to think it over. But I still don't think your way on this."
"Don’t worry, I’ll be waiting for it R."
One year later
She was sitting in the gallery of the room sipping some coffee thinking how things would have been different had she made a different choice. She felt a hand run through her hair, and smiled. He came closer and kissed her. He was right; her perception about love had changed too. Ariel sat down. She smiled and said
"Your coffee is getting cold honey"
'Jingle bells, jingle bells jingle all the way' her phone rang. She smiled and saw that it was Ariel who was calling her. Ariel and Rina were friends for some time now. Although they were introduced to each other just more than two years ago by some common friends, their friendship had steadily grown ever since and not only were they fond of each other's company but also trusted each other immensely.
"Hello there, long time no see. When did you come back from your trip, and did you bring anything for me?"
"What is it with girls and gifts? I got back last night only. Can you make it for some coffee?"
"Sure, I still haven't had my morning cuppa yet, why don't you come over to my place now? I'll have some hot coffee ready by the time you come"
"Excellent idea, be over there in fifteen minutes." He disconnected the phone. He better have brought me a gift she thought.
After more than fifteen minutes later the door bell rang. Obviously it would have to be Ariel.
"You're late mister" she said as she opened the door.
"Will I be able to bribe thee with some chocolates and a wonderful new bottle opener?"
"The chocolates will make me fatter you know"
"I guess that means I am forgiven for being late" and he stepped in to the wonderful smell of freshly brewed coffee. Apart from their taste in wine, and food they shared a common love for coffee.
"Ah, that smells wonderful, freshly brewed and with hazel nuts too."
"You're welcome. Sit; tell me about your trip"
"Switzerland was amazing, although the client was less amazing. He nagged about a whole lot of things until he realized that the delivery was what his team had wanted and not what he had thought which cost him a bunch of euros more."
"So all in all a profitable trip for you then"
"Yes you can say that. Listening to an old man hag is hardly a price one has to pay for a good profit."
They sipped their coffee for quite some time. Rina took time to look at the bottle opener she had just received.
"You're taking an awful long time to examine it you know"
"Speak for your self; you are taking an awfully long time to finish your coffee."
"I've been thinking some thing for some time now"
"What?"
"Since when do you think we've been having coffee?"
"What? What have you been drinking?"
"The coffee you made, seriously tell me how long do you think we've been having coffee together?"
"For over a year I guess"
"And how many times more are we going to have it?"
"Seriously, what have you been drinking?"
"I'll come to the point then, I find it hard to be just a friend with you R. I know this may seem out of the blue to you but like I said I’ve been thinking about it for some time now. Every time you're around you make me feel special. I've never felt like this so long for any one you know. I am asking you out. I love you Rina"
This did come out of the blue for Rina. She did consider Ariel as a very close friend but nothing more. So obviously she was taken aback by this. She found it hard to think in any different way about him. Sure he was there for her all the time but it some how didn't feel like love. His company was more than enjoyable but she never felt that spark she thought she'd feel for some one she thought she'd be in love with. She remained quiet for some time.
"You know my coffee is getting cold waiting for your reply."
"You've already finished your coffee. Honestly speaking I’ve never thought like this about you A, I always thought of you like a good friend. In fact I don't even fit your so called profile of your ideal match. You for one wanted some one who is older than you, some one with spectacles."
"Life isn't always about what we want. So what if you don't have spectacles or that we're of the same age. I love you."
Some more silence followed.
"Has this got some thing to do with my smoking? I know you don't like my smoking, but you know I don't smoke that often anyways. It's only when I am stressed out flat."
"Whom are you favoring Ariel? I didn't even think about this. But you make a good point you know."
"I am favoring us Rina. Think over it"
"Smoking and come of your other quirks apart I just don't feel like love with you. You're about the closest a friend one can have but..."
"Like you said your self Rina, you don't fit the profile of some one I thought I’d fall for. Perceptions change” He cut in.
"Give me some time; I need to think it over. But I still don't think your way on this."
"Don’t worry, I’ll be waiting for it R."
One year later
She was sitting in the gallery of the room sipping some coffee thinking how things would have been different had she made a different choice. She felt a hand run through her hair, and smiled. He came closer and kissed her. He was right; her perception about love had changed too. Ariel sat down. She smiled and said
"Your coffee is getting cold honey"
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